Show and tell got a little interesting for one kindergarten class.
Crystal Starnes got an unexpected text from her son’s kindergarten teacher, informing her that the “balloon” her son Hudson brought to class wasn’t actually an individually packaged inflatable toy he could share with his friends.
It was, in fact, a condom.
We have to award major cool points to Hudson’s teacher for managing to keep a straight face through the incident. She discovered the "special something" the kiddo intended to share with his friends—and didn’t even laugh. A quick text to mom was sent after the teacher lovingly confiscated the wrapped condom, and everyone moved on with class.
Crystal—yes, she was the parent on the receiving end of the “Hey, your kid brought a condom to show-and-tell today” text—was understandably confused and a bit embarrassed. She quickly decided to do some detective work to figure out where on earth the condom came from and how it ended up in her child’s pocket. As it turns out, neither Crystal nor her husband could claim ownership of the wayward prophylactic.
Earlier in the week, Crystal had stopped by Walmart to grab a new pair of jeans for her rapidly growing kindergartener. Guess which pocket the kiddo pulled the foil-wrapped surprise out of? Yup, the new jeans. Apparently, there was an “unexpected item in the bagging area,” because that’s how the “not balloon” wound up in Hudson’s possession. So, parents, consider going through the pockets of all new clothes before letting your children wear them—since, evidently, some garments come with free bonuses for the grown-ups.
In case you’re still somehow unaware… your kid’s teacher knows everything. The younger the child, the more their teacher knows. Teachers see it all, including family secrets you didn’t even know your kid was in on: “My mom curses in Spanish when she’s driving,” “My dad plays games on his phone when he’s going number two,” “My aunt makes movies, but I’m not allowed to watch them.” Teachers move through these oopsie moments with your little ones during the course of a normal day on the carpet squares, usually leaving you blissfully unaware.
True story: One of our staff writers once drew a picture-perfect reproduction of her parents’ favorite bottle of wine during a “letter in a bottle” activity she participated in during second grade.
Kids are hilarious. They just are. Things that grown-ups know are very much not for children (condoms, tampons, vibrators, etc.) are often mistaken as toys, and kids do what kids do—have a good time with their newfound treasures. Parents and teachers everywhere have countless stories about the embarrassing things their children have sneaked into school. It’s practically a rite of passage at this point.
So, if you have small children in school, maybe thank their teacher not only for their patience but also for their discretion and sense of humor. And you might want to get in the habit of checking your child’s pockets before they head to the bus stop every morning.
