MONDAY, JUNE 19. It’s one of those Mondays when St. Louis wakes up to confront the horror of the previous weekend, this time a mass Father’s Day shooting. How did a low-key downtown office building become a scene out of Scarface? The fingers are pointing, but the overall mood is simply numb. The kids are not OK.
TUESDAY, JUNE 20. Let’s forget our local woes for just a minute. Everyone’s freaking out about OceanGate’s doomed Titanic death tube. Bolted shut and lost far below the sea with the company CEO on board and four clueless adventurers who somehow paid $250,000 each to live out a claustrophobic’s worst nightmare, the Titan reportedly has just 40 hours of oxygen left. Who has time for the ongoing St. Louis death toll, much less Hunter Biden’s plea deal, when a bunch of hubristic rich people are in a race across the clock?
WEDNESDAY, JUNE 21. “Wall Street sours on America’s Downtowns,” says the Wall Street Journal, which ought to know. So it’s not just St. Louis? Someone tell the local media! Also: It’s the longest night of the year, and traffic is positively absurd around the Missouri Botanical Garden as the Mighty Pines take the stage.The Whitaker Concert Series sets a new attendance record, undoubtedly due to frontman Neil Salsich’s profile after his stint on The Voice. Shaw isn’t the only place with big crowds tonight; in Downtown West, it’s the first weeknight block party for City SC, and the once-forlorn neighborhood is hopping. And on the East Coast, the Cardinals are back to looking like a pro team again — taking two of three from Washington. They’re now 31-44. We’ll take it.
THURSDAY, JUNE 22. This just in: The Titanic death tube has killed all five passengers … and apparently it wasn’t a race against the clock but a catastrophic implosion that happened days ago. So what was all this hype about underwater banging noises? Why do we always fall for elaborate plots to distract us from our meaningless existences?
FRIDAY, JUNE 23. Your daily dose of creepy: The Post-Dispatch reports that the northern snakehead fish is in Missouri waters — and it can “wiggle across muddy land and grow to nearly three feet long.” As if we didn’t have reason enough to be leery of Missourah!
SATURDAY, JUNE 24. PrideFest fills downtown with thousands of attendees and headliner Adele Dazeem — oops, we mean Idina Menzel! Not even ridiculous heat and a handful of protesting Gays Against Groomers can spoil the fun. In London, the Cardinals lose to the Cubs, but in the only hemisphere where pro sports matter, City SC is victorious, beating San Jose 2-1.
SUNDAY, JUNE 25. The Cards win, which concludes the London Series with a 1-1 tie. Time for all the local officials who took a trip across the pond to return home and get back to fiddling while St. Louis burns on Central Standard Time. No, we don’t think St. Louis will see a bump in tourism from their junket — but it’s hard to blame anyone for abandoning these zillion-degree temps. It is officially hot in herrre.
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