A St. Louisan’s Guide to Tipping Properly (and Not Being That Guy)

Sit-Down Restaurant
Unless your server straight up spits in your face, you have to tip close to 20 percent no matter what. That’s an unbreakable social contract.

If you truly had a horrible experience due to the waitstaff, then speak to a manager. And don’t go on Yelp with your “I’d give this place zero stars if I could” review. Handle it like an adult and speak to someone in charge. If you get into it with the manager, the problem is definitely you, and you should never go back to that restaurant again.

Sit-Down Restaurant with Kids
If your children are perfect angels who never yell or scream, and manage to get every bite of food into their mouth every time, then you can tip the standard 20 percent.

If you’re not a delusional liar, then you have to tip 25 percent minimum. If your kid gets anything with noodles or marinara in it, you have to tip 30 percent. If they break something, you have to tip more. If the place doesn’t have a kids menu, you have to tip 200 percent and also pay for the meals of everyone sitting around you.

Counter Service
This is going to blow your mind, but you don’t have to tip anything here. When they flip that computer around and it asks if you want to leave an insane 30 percent tip, you let yourself say no. And don’t feel guilty about it either. You’re doing all the work here and you don’t also have to pay the worker’s wages on top of whatever you’re already spending on food.

Now, if this is one of those nicer kind of counter-service places where they also bring your meal to you and take away your dirty dishes, and you want to give a couple extra bucks, fine, go for it, but don’t even bother thinking about tip percentages when you have to bus your own table.

Courtesy Diner and Uncle Bill’s Pancake House
If it’s regular dining hours at either of these late-night establishments, tipping is a standard 20 percent plus a couple extra dollars on top of that. The servers aren’t making that much since there’s no booze on the menu and the food is relatively cheap, so you can afford to throw a few extra dollars down.

Now, if you’re in there after 11 p.m., it’s either because you’re drunk or you’re a theater kid high off the buzz of an excruciating performance of Thoroughly Modern Millie, in which case you are obligated to tip 30 percent minimum. I’ve been both people in that scenario and I promise you, you’re being more obnoxious than you think.

To-Go Orders
While you’re not actually sitting down in a restaurant with a server tending to your every need, there is a small amount of work that goes into preparing your meal for pickup. Often this falls on the waitstaff who have to take time away from their tables to gather up your stuff and take it out to you. But not always. Sometimes it’s the salaried managers who don’t work for tips.

Either way, it’s not up to you to find out. Leave a dollar. Leave two dollars. Leave no dollars. It makes no difference. If it’s a burden on the waitstaff for take-out orders, they need to confront management and make them do it.

The only exception is when you’re buying lunch for your whole office or for a party or whatever. Everyone in the restaurant is probably going to have to drop what they’re doing and chip in to help out with your giant order, so yeah, definitely tip at least 10 percent in that scenario. You’re good for it.

Dining in With a Gift Card
You would not believe how many people think it’s okay to tip on the amount left over after a gift card is applied. You can see it in a server’s face when you hand them a $50 voucher for a $60 meal. From experience they know there’s a high probability they might get $2 out of this whole ordeal.

But you’re different. You know that you’re supposed to tip 20 percent of what the total was before the Pasta House gift card your grandma got you was applied. You’re even thoughtful enough to tip a few extra bucks on top of that, because the whole meal only cost you $10 and your kids got spaghetti in the air vents somehow.

Caveat: Guilt Tipping
If you’re at a restaurant where the server takes payment on one of those hand-held computers, and they make a point to watch you fill out the tip portion, go ahead and press that 15 percent button. What they’re doing is pushy, weird and aggressive. I’ve seen it enough times to recognize it as a tactic for knowingly subpar service. They’re essentially bullying you into tipping more. We need to collectively let the offenders know that we see what they’re doing, and they need to cut it out.

Bar Service
I don’t like it, but you’re supposed to tip a dollar after every beer, whether it has alcohol in it or not. Even though sometimes they’re just handing you a glass or opening a bottle (if that), tipping them for minimal effort is part of that social contract that has always been more favorable to bartenders.

If you’re at a brewery like Side Project where the bartenders have a Ph.D in beer and use it to help you find the perfect pour, it’s OK to tip more. If you’re getting something like a cocktail that actually requires effort and skill to put together, $2 is fine. Just know, they’re getting another 10 percent of the tips that every server in the restaurant makes, so they’re doing fine, but you still have to do your part.

Festival Booze
This one’s changed for me a bit. The price of beer has jumped exponentially around town at events like the Balloon Glow or the Tower Grove Harvest Festival, and not in ways that really make sense to me if you account for inflation. This one I’m not as confident in, but if I’m getting a single beer, I don’t tip. I’ve just spent $9 on a single microbrew that I could have gotten a whole pack of at the store for the exact same amount; I’m not going to then give the person that handed it to me an additional dollar.

If I’m going back for a second beer, which is always a terrible idea, then I’ll tip a dollar to save face. Cocktails at these events are usually batched, but still require a few stirs and garnishes, so just leave the dollar every time.

Coffee
Even though they have to be at work at 4 a.m. and toil under a soul-crushing frenzy for the next several hours, you don’t actually have to tip the baristas, but it’d be nice if you did. Unlike bartenders, they don’t rely on tips for the majority of their income, but they also make a lot less because of it, and they certainly are accomplishing just as much. If you find a place you really like and go to frequently, consider tipping now and again, if only because the workers will definitely start to recognize you and talk shit on you if you don’t.

If you’re getting something stupid and complicated like a pumpkin horse-milk latte with oat blood, then you probably should tip 20 percent for just being a nuisance to society.

Sit-Down Pizza Place
Same rules apply as any other restaurant. 20 percent.

Carry-Out Pizza at a Local Establishment

A few months ago there was an article in the Post-Dispatch where a customer at Union Loafers was photographed tipping 20 percent for carry-out pizza. If a major newspaper publication is documenting the amount of tip you leave for the front page of their paper, then yeah, go ahead and tip 20 percent.

In every other scenario you can leave one or two bucks, if you must. The person who made the pizza did more work than whoever handed it to you, and the kitchen probably isn't going to see any bit of that extra money, and they’re also probably making less on average, assuming it’s a sit-down establishment.

Carry-Out Pizza at a National Chain
Look, we all grew up on this stuff and we all love it, but these places don't pay their workers shit. Tip 'em a few bucks if you can. Their pizzas are already a fraction of the price of an Imo's or Cecil Whittaker's so a few more dollars isn't going to kill you.

Delivery Pizza

First of all, you should never do delivery unless you hate your money. Why are you doubling the cost of your pizza by having someone drive it to you? Unless you are inebriated or a teenage mutant ninja turtle, go pick that thing up on your own. You’re not that busy.

If you’re ordering delivery anyways because you’re bad with money, then you have to tip a minimum of $5, not including whatever bullshit delivery fee the place is gouging you with. If it’s Pointer’s Pizza and you’re ordering at like 2 a.m., then you gotta tip more since they're being heros for being open that late. If it’s Kevin’s Place, where it’s Kevin himself making AND delivering the pizzas somehow, you gotta leave a generous tip or you’ll never see that guy again.

Beauty/Hair/Nail Salon
This is the person who is deciding how good or stupid you will look for the next couple months or so. If you always use the same person, you better be tipping 20 percent minimum. They can make you look bad without you even knowing it.

Ice Cream
The kids at Ted Drewes work their tails off at impossible speeds using ancient coded languages to serve mountains of ice cream every day. Never once in my life have I ever felt pressured to give them a tip for their incredible service. Every other ice cream place in town with the audacity to ask for a few extra bucks should be ashamed. Just pay your workers. Unless you’re at one of those big chains where they cruelly force their staff to sing and dance, or there's some other form of theatrics to the whole affair, you don't need to tip for ice cream.

Snow Cones
Was ice cream not available? $1.

Uber Eats/Doordash/Etc.
It’s the same as pizza delivery. But for real, why are you spending money on this? The rates on these things are ridiculous. Some places even increase their menu prices exclusively through these apps. Get yourself a financial advisor, son.

Uber/Lyft
If you arrive at your destination alive, 20 percent is fine. If you weren’t particularly impressed with their driving, or their car makes you smell like weed for the rest of the day, you can get your revenge with an appropriate star rating. You can only give a zero dollar tip if they hit on you or attempt to murder you.

Retail
No. Jesus. No. Never.