RFT Reviews the Week June 12 to June 18

Todd Awbrey / Flickr

David Freese turned down going into the Cardinals Hall of Fame this week... probably because the team sucks so bad.

MONDAY, JUNE 12. The Denver Nuggets win the NBA championship — proving once again that bad karma means nothing when you’re filthy rich. Seriously, fuck that guy Kroenke and his back-to-back-to-back pro sports titles! Also, quelle surprise, another (recently former) member of the St. Louis Board of Aldermen is revealed to be corrupt. A new indictment accuses Brandon Bosley of engaging in fraud related to a 13-year-old Toyota Prius. We don’t know whether to be embarrassed that Bosley’s scheme was so petty — or proud that, despite his vaunted name, voters threw him out before the U.S. Attorney’s Office forced the issue. 

TUESDAY, JUNE 13. Novelist Cormac McCarthy dies, and eulogies remind us that he toiled in obscurity until he was 58 years old — only to be lauded as one of the greats at his passing at age 89. It’s a story that gives hope to a lot of writers who are nowhere near as talented! Meanwhile, that old buffoon who won’t stop running his mouth pleads not guilty to dozens of felonies, basically alleging he squirreled classified documents away in a tacky-ass Mar-a-Lago bathroom. Which, if you think about it, makes the crimes of our local pols seem at least somewhat rational in contrast. Thanks, Trump.

WEDNESDAY, JUNE 14. A bunch of people involved with the mortuary at Harvard Medical School are charged with trafficking in human remains, which we mention just because we hate the smug pricks who got into Harvard. Meanwhile, the Cardinals again snatch defeat from the jaws of victory. That’s five straight losses and the worst record in the National League. It’s all-Missouri suckitude; the Kansas City Royals are somehow even worse.

THURSDAY, JUNE 15. The Board of Aldermen votes to raise our water rates 44 percent, with future automatic increases tied to inflation. While we’d never expect Mayor Tishaura Jones to let a crisis go to waste, we’re still surprised by the size and speed of this rate hike. Meanwhile, rubbing salt into our water-logged wounds, the Cardinals lose again. 

FRIDAY, JUNE 16. Russian hackers have come for Mizzou! Also, KMOV reports that even the downtown police substation has been vandalized, but it turns out the SLMPD abandoned the substation years ago — so it’s just the usual downtown squalor and maybe not even news. 

SATURDAY, JUNE 17. City SC falls to Nashville. Meanwhile, despite being voted in, David Freese says he won’t join the Cardinals Hall of Fame, surely because even he doesn’t want to be associated with a team this shitty. Just to teach him, the Redbirds win 5-3, snapping a six-game losing streak.

SUNDAY, JUNE 18. In the wee hours, 11 teens are shot at a party that oddly takes place at an office suite at 14th and Washington. One dies; a 12th teen is gravely injured after being trampled. In response, Mayor Jones calls for recreation centers to stay open later, which precisely no one thinks will solve the problem but also can’t hurt. Meanwhile, a torrential downpour causes flash flooding on three different St. Louis highways and interrupts Father’s Day cookouts. Bah humbug!